The goal is not to attract everyone – rather, attract someone that compliments YOU.
Be specific about your unique interests, hobbies, skills, talents, style, humour, etc. Include your favourite saying or inspirational quote if you have one.
Have a photo – make it natural and genuine, a closer headshot, ensure you smile (no trout pouts or vanity shots), a slight tilt of the head (is more natural), avoid professional/corporate images, avoid mirror selfies (come across as vain). It’s even better to have a full body shot as a secondary pic. Your photo is not a popularity contest – you don’t want a whole lot of likes, rather, you want to attract that ONE special person who is compelled to get to know you. Afterall, having the wrong personality in the most appealing pic wastes everyone’s time.
Be clear and upfront about what you are looking for – this will also save you time and effort with incompatible matches. There is nothing wrong with telling someone you’re looking for someone to compliment your life (rather than a one-night stand).
Read Between the Lines
Learn to read cues from the language used in your online communication. Do they respect you? Are they taking the time to make a good impression – have they put care into their words? How this person treats you now, is only a taste of how they will treat you down the line.
Get to Real Life ASAP
Arrange a short phone call first – before meeting up for a date in real life. Even better – arrange a short video call! This could save both of you from the mystery of not knowing.
Meet in person as soon as you can. Don’t put too much time into creating online chemistry! Instead, a real-life meeting will confirm all your questions or concerns very quickly. Sparks ultimately fly in real life. You will save yourself a lot of time. By prolonging this step, you are setting up both parties to create “avatar” versions of who you think each other are. Better to just bite the bullet and meet in real life.
Arrange a coffee or drink for your first date – avoid dinner or meals as you may not click and feel trapped for a few hours.
How to be Picky
Focus on needs rather than wants. Example, you need a healthy lifestyle so you can’t have a partner who smokes cigarettes. You also need honesty so you need to avoid someone who appears to be in-congruent (use your ability to read rapport and sensory acuity). You may want someone who is 6 foot but ultimately, would you forgo a beautiful partnership purely based on height?
Be yourself, be authentic, do not compare or try to fit the persona of someone who is not YOU. You are looking for someone who genuinely is excited to be with you. They first need to know who YOU are – so give this to everyone until the right person is exposed to you.
Really question your “type” and purposely date outside of this where possible. Your type is deeply ingrained according to your past beliefs, values and experiences. After doing all this self-work – you will have already changed some of who you used to be. Your old personality will be transforming as you release your old programs. Your old type will attract someone who will repeat the same old cycles. Be open to new people who are equally growing and inwardly healthy.
Make a Move
Be proactive – don’t wait for people to contact you. Spend time reaching out to others and make the first move. Contrary to popular belief, it’s perfectly acceptable today and shows a positive character.
Listen to your gut instinct about someone – always. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and breath. By taking a moment to get out of your head, you can often hear what your heart is telling you.
Know your Boundaries
Know your personal boundaries and learn to recognise when someone is pushing them. The fastest way to dating disaster is allowing someone to do something you wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with. Learning to say NO is reaffirming your self-worth. Move on immediately if you are finding yourself bargaining with your own values early on.
Avoid creating a fantasy person after only a couple of dates. We tend to wander into daydreaming when we think we’re onto a winner. Avoid this at all costs. You don’t need a partner to create a fantasy partner. Stay present and practical when dating will protect you from unreal expectations, illusions and hurt. Get to know the real person over a period of time and then, one day when you’ve been together for a decade, you can daydream about when they were younger (kidding).
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